Friends

Guess who just figured out what his next t-shirt slogan is going to be that he isn't going to even bother doing a livejournal poll about that will also help coincide with the re-re-re-re-launch of his beloved just-about-ruined webcomic, Wigu?



(The answer is me)

Oops I have been informed that apparently the Emerald City Comic-Con website said that I was going to be at that thing but clearly I am not there due to just having too many things to do and it costing so dang much to fly my whole dang entourage halfway across the land and staying at whatever hotel has the most syllables in its name.

I am sorry for the confusion. :/

When it first aired, I was about 2 or 3, and my parents were watching the original miniseries, and I remember watching parts of it, and kinda noticing that they all seemed to be wearing the uniforms that Mork wore when he talked to Orson, but the scene with the guy spraypainting "V" on the posters (providing the logo) freaked the holy bejeezus out of me, and I'd had nightmares for a VERY long time about the V.

To this day, I have still not seen V, and I even still get a little bit of a chill when I see the logo in a video store or something. I mean, I can look at it now -- when I was little, I'd end up freaking out a bit and hiding my eyes. Which is admittedly kinda silly, having nightmares about a friggin' LETTER.

One of the biggest nightmares I had -- and this is very, very odd, I know -- is that there would be shots of standard, random objects with the "V" in the lower left corner like a music video, then after a bit, the V would grow out of the corner to take up the whole image, the background would flash black-and-white with the huge V in front, then it would shrink back to the corner with a new random object. The one I mainly remember was a metal whistling teapot.

One of the other really odd nightmares I remember having was when my mom told me about the song "Medicated Goo" by Traffic. I don't know if I've ever actually heard the song, honestly. But she'd mentioned it as one of her favorite songs, and for some reason, the title just really triggered something in my brain, and I had nightmares that would be shots of surgeons doing, well, surgery -- no gore or anything in the dream; they were all around the patient, which was surrounded by a blue tent like you sometimes see, and the word "MEDICATED" in green, glowing letters would be superimposed on this image. This was around when I was in Kindergarten.

I guess maybe I'm just way out of the loop or something but are we all supposed to be pretending to like Kimya Dawson because she's retarded or something?

UPDATE:

So, there are two versions of "How to Recover When You've Made A Controversial Statement". 

There's the one that I ran on GoComics, which had the following final panel.

And then there's the version I ran on my site, which had this final panel.

I wish I could give some clear, concise reason I went with the two different versions, but I can't. I have a bunch of little, stupid reasons. I think both versions are pretty much equally funny. I'm not too worried about offending people because I think it's clear that the joke is that I've come up with an arrogant, narrow-minded theory and my wife is telling me to keep my fat yap shut about it. If people think I'm honestly trying to insult sports fans, homosexuals, or perverts for that matter, they've misunderstood the joke.

At the end of the day "Gay for sports" felt more web-comicy" while "perversion" felt more "print-comicy", so one went to my website, and the other went to GoComics to hobnob with Garfield and Foxtrot.

Last Instructions

Since I am embarrassed of my advanced age I decided to wait to be the last one to throw my deal into this... meme and show you what ol' Jeffrey was like way back in nineteen ninety one.



It is obvious I would like myself then a lot less than I like myself now. If I could time travel to meet my former self I would have done my best to avoid that guy, I tell you what. But I lived in a rural Oklahoma town with a population of 1300 back then and we had just gotten electricity so don't you dare judge me.

Also, Sheriff Pony's Designer Rodeo has launched (thanks to Tallahassee for naming it). Are there some surprises there? You betcha. More on that tomorrow.

Man I barely even smoke at all these days maybe like ten cigarettes a week I just wanted to be honest

So two cool things -- today I weighed the exact same amount I weighed yesterday. I know that shouldn't be shocking, but last October I was curious what my weight was day-to-day -- not in an OCD kinda way, but just a curious sort of way. Interestingly, now, after I've drunk the coolaid, I'm far less curious day-to-day. Figure that out. But when I was being diligent I found my weight would fluctuate a pound plus or minus on good days, as much as five pounds on a bad day. Part of that is scale placement, I'm sure -- our floor is weird that way, and our bathroom is too tiny to keep it down all the time -- but a lot of it is honest to goodness fluctuations. I'm convinced I hold more water than Hetch Hetchey. Now that that's out of the way, these two days in a row? My second lowest weight since I've been recording it over a year ago. I thought it was a new record, but not quite -- I'm at 285.9, and there was once -- October 7th last year I was 285.7. So I'm within striking distance of my all-time. And I plan to blow it away.
This weekend I was really inspired. There wasn't any one big thing that jumped out, it was just a collective sense that Now's The Time. I'm carefully watching what I eat and based on that I'm making some changes -- for instance I want to cut out some carbs, even though (or perhaps because) I love them so much. I need to exercise more, and it's just about summer, so weather's on my side. In my head I set a really aggressive goal for the end of summer -- it's one of those dare-not-speak goals. I'm completely realistic that it is tremendously aggressive and there is every likelihood that I'll come up short, and I'm okay with that; as long as I work just as aggressively to try to achieve it that's what matters most. And I'll be healthier for the effort regardless.
So there it is. Let's see when that 285.7 falls. Hell, let's see me get to an unprecedented-in-modern-times 280. It's out there, and I'm gunning for it!

Last night: Worked 4 to 9, made $22.

I know it's rather tacky to share my earnings here, but SERIOUSLY THIS IS CRAZY SHIT. So, um, yyyeah. Not working at [$PUB] much any more, starting next week.

This week, though, is going to kill me. Five shifts at [$PUB], five shifts at [$BISTRO].

Today I am too tired to draw comics or answer email or do anything except go 'buhhhhh'

There is a ton of irony in the fact that this strip is running as I'm working on a follow-up to what has turned out to be my most controversial strip. 

I have received a few questions about last week's strip, which I will try to answer here.

The meaning of panel three is that the boss has a tattoo, which is located on his tailbone. Usually women get tattoos there, thus the (attempted) humor.

To the person who wrote "Woah, what did I miss?" to my comment about Torchwood, I must reluctantly answer "almost every episode of the show, apparently".

In the first episode the doctor uses an alien aphrodisiac to seduce a man and woman, both of whom he then takes home.  In the second episode the police woman makes out with another woman.  In a later episode that season the female computer expert gets a girlfriend who turns out to be a forest spirit or something. The butler is currently dating the man in charge, which isn't that great a feat because the man in charge basically rams his tongue down the throat of anything that'll hold still. That's the whole staff.

All that said, I wouldn't know all this if I weren't watching the show, which means I must be enjoying it. I just feel like they're putting their foot down a little too hard about this one thing. It's kinda like Star Trek: the Next Generation, where eventually every single member of the bridge crew led an armed rebellion against the federation.

To the person who described the cylon glowing spine as "nothing more than a cheap stunt to show Sharon's naked back." I say two things.  "Oh yes ..." and "You forgot Six's naked back." Also I agree that there has seldom been a more disturbing juxtaposition than Six turning into Saul's dead wife.

Last Instructions

So, Friday was pretty dang awesome; it was the day of the Tim & Eric live show. And it was AWESOME. Great Job. They brought a bunch of folks with them, too, including Pierre, James Qualls, the Sit On You Guy and David Liebe Hart (!!). Tim & Eric said that they hadn't actually done that on any show for the tour, so this was the first night they'd done that particular show. So that was pretty neat. I also got hit in the face with a hot dog thrown by Eric! Even though I was relatively back-middle of the crowd, when it hit my cheek, it stung a little bit. Good arm, Eric!

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Yesterday was Free Comic Book Day, so I walked down to Zanadu. I don't think I quite get Free Comic Book Day, as I ended up buying way too many comics, but hey. Picked up volumes 5 and 6 of Doom Patrol, and the next Invisibles volume that I didn't have, along with some Alan Moore stuff (including his novel Voice of the Fire) and the Kochalka stuff I didn't have. And the new Jhonen Vazquez "Jellyfist". That was cool.

At the end of the day, though, I accidentally spilled water on my keyboard, which sucked, but I got a ride to the Apple Store from my mom and got a new one -- one of the new, redesigned ones, which I'm actually really kinda digging, really. I have to get a little used to the new layout of the function keys, but that's OK.

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Today is Dale's birthday! Also Kent State Day! That's how I remember! But yes! On Friday, I gave him his gift, so that was cool. (It was a Korg Micro; an analog-modelling synth with a built in vocoder. It's pretty keen.)

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Been making my way through Six Feet Under; it's a little frustrating going, just because, well, the 3rd season is UTTERLY USELESS, and the Fourth, as Kevin Millard said, doesn't honestly seem THAT much better... though I'm about on the 9th episode, and it seemed that the last disc was a bit better.

The most frustrating thing about the third season was that the show completely changed around -- for the worse -- and then, spent a bunch of time working on getting it back to Status Quo. I'm kind of annoyed how the deaths at the beginning are more likely to actually have nothing to do with the actual episode (like, f'rinstance, the one with the woman who died from a bloody nose; she was in the actual episode for two seconds when they go "Oh, how'd she die" "From a bloody nose." "Oh, weird." and then they immediately go back to the Dead Fat Guy plot. So, like, why not have the opening death be the Fat Guy, since he's actually PART OF THE PLOT and all. Oh well.), and, well, the character of Lisa was absolutely awful. I'm not sure if she was SUPPOSED to be absolutely awful, but, hey. And it appears that Joe is Brenda's (slightly less awful) Lisa, but at least it looks like he's out of the picture now, at least as of Fourth Season, 8th Episode. But yeah.

From the third season, I came very, very close to just reading the before-episode blurbs and skipping the actual episodes up through the fifth season, which is supposed to be just as good. So, basically for the most part, I've been slogging through to get to the Fifth Season, though I'm kinda wondering if I really needed to, since it doesn't really seem that any of the character arc-type changes are going to actually stick really. Lisa and Joe have been dispatched so Nate and Brenda can get back together, it's looking like George and Ruth are breaking up, Claire and Russell have broken up, and yeah. I'm betting dollars-to-donuts that Rico and Vanessa get back together, and we'll be back where we are coming into the fifth season, only with the addition of Maya.

How I would have worked it, is basically have the Third Season start with Nate recovering from his surgery, but NOT married to Lisa, and then having Ruth still be involved with Maya's life, and then when Lisa wanders off into the sunset, Maya's left with Ruth, who gives her to Nate, and there we go. Addition of Maya to the cast without the idiotic Lisa plot. Because, seriously, was she NOT supposed to be a stupid, flake harpy? I mean, near the end Nate was getting sick of her, but, well, um, she didn't really change. She was always like that. So, um, what, was he just not paying attention? Arrgh. Such a stupid, stupid, stupid plot.

Also: Don't even get me started on the David-Gets-Carjacked Episode. And how it starts with him getting gas for the dude at what seems like about noon, then trying to find an ATM at like, 7 or 8 or 9 at night. Dude, um, ATMs? Not hard to find. At all. They don't take like, six-nine hours to find. Come on. And when David knocked out the bad guy by accident and then, you know, DIDN'T TAKE ADVANTAGE OF IT, come ON. ARGGH. So stupid. Stupid, stupid episode.

But it looks like I'm set to finish the fourth season today, so I can get to the fifth/last pretty soon, which I'm kind of excited for, since I really want to like Six Feet Under but the last two seasons have made it pretty difficult. It's a good thing I'm watching these on a cheap-DVD set that I bought, because I think if I were watching them as they aired, I'd have potentially even stopped watching after the Third Season Premiere. Wow, what a dog of an episode.

Basically: Does anyone know what HAPPENED here? Why did the show not only get worse, but get SO FUCKING bad? I know that apparently Rachel Griffiths got pregnant which made her have to be in the first few episodes a bit less, but, um, jeez, could they have handled it any more poorly?

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MEME! Cap'n Jimmy vovat came up with this one! (I don't know why I called him that there, his name's Nathan.) It's pretty good. From his post:

Here's a meme-style game I just recently thought up, which for lack of a better title I call "Things You Dislike About Things You Love." Basically, you list some things you enjoy (I ended up listing seven, but I don't think the number should be set in stone; it's cool if you think of more), and then mention an aspect of each that you don't like. You can be creative with them, but try to go with something that's more of a general trend than a specific item. For instance, don't choose a particular episode of a TV show, or a particular song by a band. That might also make (and probably is) a good meme, but it's not what I'm going for here.

So, yes. Here's my list.

1. Gary Numan -- that one period in the late 1980s where he started using really, really plastic sounds and the female backup singers which just seemed to make the records so dated sounding. The songs are still good, but the production is just so cheezy-bad.

2. Alt.Country -- The way that it seems a lot of Jam Bands are rolled up into this genre. It doesn't really seem to make a lot of sense to me, though I suppose some of that is more of my blinding hatred for Jam Bands. But really -- I don't really see much kinship between, say, Laura Cantrell and moe., or The Handsome Family and The String Cheese Incident.

3. Family Guy -- A lot of the stories just seem to END, particularly lately. I know this is a little funny for me to complain about, since I've long argued that Family Guy is basically just an animated sketch show, and it's not really worth it to get TOO hung up on the stories, but it is a little odd the way a lot of the recent episodes have just seemed to be "Tape Runs Out". I think, though, this is probably less their doing and more that Fox keeps cutting back the length of shows. Where an episode used to be 22-23 minutes, now they're 20-21.

4. The Simpsons -- It's gotten a little better, but the way that the first act is often completely irrelevant to the rest of the story. Or ones where they seem to burn through about 5 or so plots before settling in on what the REAL episode is. Also, the guest stars who are basically irrelevant, but luckily, they've scaled that waaaay back, too. It seemed that during the Scully era, especially, each episode just had a couple of guest stars for no other reason than to be on the show. This is particularly bad when the guest stars don't understand that voice acting is still acting, and so end up doing this whole "Oh, Hi, I Am Reading Linns. I mean Lines. Sorry."

5. The Dresden Dolls -- How they don't seem to want to do a studio version of "Bank Of Boston Beauty Queen". What's up with that? That's an awesome fucking song! Jeez.

6. CD Selling -- The trend of selling packages of/with blank CDs for you to go and download and burn your own self. Why? Especially when they're not much cheaper than real, pressed CDs I don't have to do anything with. It's stupid. It really is. I like the packaging, sure, but I also like when I buy something, all I have to do is enjoy it, I don't have to fuck around building it and whatnot. (Uh, this doesn't apply to stuff like kits where the building it is part of the implied contract. And sometimes that CAN be fun/enjoyable. But a CD isn't a shelf, people.) I like that, say, with Challengers, you could get future live stuff or whatnot, but, well, the whole remembering-to-go-to-the-website-checking-if-they-got-around-to-posting-anything-and-then-downloading-it-keeping-it-around-until-they-say-it's-complete-and-burnable-and-hoping-they-don't-then-add-new-stuff-anyway thing is a pain in the ass. Why not just have it where you can sign up on their list and they just send you a CD when it's done? Feel free to keep the empty cases in the Executive Edition Package, just instead of a blank disc, you get one in the mail later.

7. Kids -- Why won't they get off my goddamn lawn?

So despite all the terrible things I've said about Twitter in the past the other day Tallahassee goes, "You know Jeffrey I think Twitter was like pretty much invented for us to keep people advised as to what is going on at TopatoCo right now."

I said "Goddammit" and instantly set up a Twitter for TopatoCo but sometimes we say jokey things too I guess. Joey Softerworld will be here soon.

http://twitter.com/topatoco

There is a thinger set up on the help page also so you don't have to follow us, if you order something and wanna know what the hell is up you can just go there and find out instantly if we're filing bankruptcy or something.

Actual email I got today:

subj: your block on my page

So, i tried to put one of your pictures on my page and recieved your happy little block. So, sorry. I have taken your picture off my page but your block is still there. Would you please get rid of it. Thanks.

-[name redacted]

So sorry for hindering your bandwidth leeching. ALSO THERE IS A VERY SIMPLE SOLUTION TO YOUR PROBLEM AND IT INVOLVES ME DOING EXACTLY JACK SHIT.

Bad mood - busted ass at [$PUB] from 4 to 11 last night and netted a whopping $49. (Great tips, nice customers, but in a 4-table section with low turnover.)
Couldn't fall asleep till 2; dogs and TV woke me up at 6:45.

But bitpig and mundeemo are arriving soon, so woohoo! Psyched about that. Now I must decide: nap, or clean house?

Also I drew this a couple days ago.

HOLY BAJEEZUS IS MY LIFE EXCITING

[Not sure if this belongs here... but it DOES benefit a Fresno animal shelter, so I thought it was worth a shot... feel free to delete if it goes against the rules]


AnimalAttraction.com is a website for pet-lovers... and Zoe is in a photo contest. The contest runs all month and you can vote once a day. Here's where you actually have to want to help. In order to vote you have to be a member of the site (which is free... and actually donates money to one of the 4 charities they support for every day you login... plus you can put up pictures of your pets, etc).

The winner of the contest will receive $250 toward a pet charity of their choice...more than likely the one they have chosen to support with their logins. Our chosen charity is the Best Friends Animal Society (bestfriends.org)... because they are a great organization and we also already give a monthly contribution to the ASPCA. They house thousands of animals... not just cats and dogs, but birds, etc all on one HUGE ranch. This is also the organization that took on the 22 pit bulls seized from NFL Star Michael Vick.

The winner will also receive $250 for themselves... and if WE win our $250 is going as a donation to a local animal shelter. (Right now it looks like it's going to be ARF (Animal Rescue of Fresno) or possibly half to ARF and half to the CCSPCA).

Anyway, I realize that it's a bit of a pain to go sign up for a site and then login every day to vote... BUT for signing up and every day that you log in you are making a contribution to one of those 4 charities (you choose which one when you sign up). Really, it only takes a couple minutes to sign up and a couple minutes out of each day to sign in and vote.

Most of you spend at least an hour a day forwarding junk emails or doing surveys... so take a couple minutes out of each day to do something good and actually help.

If you do choose to participate, here is the link for her picture once you sign in:

http://animalattraction.com/default.aspx?tabid=287&photoid=1268

Thanks in advance,

Amy

Did you know Utah’s state symbol is the beehive? This was going somewhere but what I really want to do is get to the point: I love box cake mix. LOVE. IT. It’s like a processed food fetish of mine. And I like to do evil, nasty things to it to make it even more delectable! Like this honey bun cake. Serve it warm to someone you love on a rainy or snowy day. It makes the house smell like heaven, it’s easy and economical, it would be right at home in Utah and it’s one of my and J’s favorite things to eat.

Oven 350

Cake
1 Package Yellow Cake Mix (any kind-I like Moist Deluxe)
1 cup reduced-fat sour cream
¾ cup, scant, veggie oil
4 large eggs

Filling
In a little bowl mix:
1/3 cup lightly packed light brown sugar
½ cup finely chopped pecans
1 Tbls cinnamon

In a separate little bowl, measure out 1/3 cup honey and heat in the microwave until loose and pourable. Set aside.

Generously coat a Bundt pan with PAM, Place all the cake ingredients in your mixing bowl and blend together on low speed. After combined, beat on Medium speed for two minutes. Batter will be really smooth and thick.

Pour ½ the batter in the Bundt, then sprinkle with ½ the filling and ½ the warm honey. Top with 2nd ½ of the batter, then sprinkle that with the filling and drizzle with the remaining honey. Take a butter knife and swirl from top to bottom going once around the pan. Do not over mix!

Bake for 40 minutes. When done (cake will be golden brown and springy), let cool 10 minutes in pan, then invert. Meanwhile, make glaze

Glaze:
2 cups powdered sugar
1/3 cup whole milk
1 tsp. vanilla
(Whisk until smooth).

Spoon glaze over warm cake. Serve warm with coffee and fruit, or cold at night. It’s very, very sweet so a little goes a long way.
16 servings/9 Points per serving

I am about to go running with Jeph Jacques so if you're in Easthampton at 3:30 in the afternoon sucking down Jim Beam behind the wheel of an extended cab Ford F-150 and you see a big dude with tattoos and all kinds of metal shit stuck in his face and a short, unshaven kinda chubby guy with crazy hair would you mind swerving away from us right before you pass out? Thanks.

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Why do I and just about everybody in the free world have some doubts about the DC Madam's suicide? Maybe because studies have shown that rich, powerful men in are complete bastards that will do anything to protect their "dignity?" I heard several interviews with that lady and personally I thought she was a really interesting, intelligent person -- not that has ever made someone less likely to suicide but... hm.

Today (April 30th) is 31¢ scoop night at Baskin-Robbins. From 5pm-10pm, you can get a single scoop cup or cone for 31¢! I suggest you do so.

 

My favorite show, The Venture Brothers" is starting its third season in June.  If you've never seen an episode, you have one month to get up to speed. Again, I suggest you do so.

 

If you've never seen the British TV series Torchwood, I suggest you not read the next two sentences, as they'll make little sense to you.  It seems statistically improbable that EVERY member of the staff of Torchwood Cardiff, all the way back to the beginning of time, would be bisexual. Am I to believe that it's some sort of coincidence, or does Captain Jack only want operatives whose minds are open to every option.

 

If you're not up to speed on Battlestar Galactica, then please stop reading now.

 

Okay, I warned you.

 

I have no urge to see Colonel Tigh naked, but part of me does hope to see his spine light up. What's that about!?